A Conversation With the Plumber's Assistant

Tracy Beckerman
Mon, 13 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Me: "Hi. This is Tracy Beckerman. I need to schedule a follow-up appointment with the plumber."

Plumber's Assistant: "Hey, my sister's name is Tracy. That's so funny! Do you spell it with an 'e' or no 'e'?"

Me: "Um, no 'e'."
Updated: Tue Apr 14, 2026

Me: "Hi. This is Tracy Beckerman. I need to schedule a follow-up appointment with the plumber."

Plumber's Assistant: "Hey, my sister's name is Tracy. That's so funny! Do you spell it with an 'e' or no 'e'?"

Me: "Um, no 'e'."

PA: "My sister doesn't spell it with an 'e,' either. I mean, who needs an extra letter for no reason. LOL!"

Me: "Exactly! So anyway, about that appointment ..."

PA: "Oh sure. How about tomorrow?"

Me: "I'm actually out of town the next two days."

PA: "Oh, I won't tell anyone that. LOL! Don't want your house to get robbed."

Me: "Um, thank you?"

PA: "Yeah, I knew this guy who wrote all over Facebook that he was going to Jamaica, and then when he got back from his trip, his house was cleaned out. Like, duh!"

Me: "Yeah, duh."

PA: "I mean my boyfriend is a police officer, so I know you should never tell people on the internet when you're going out of town."

Me: "Absolutely. How about Thursday?"

PA: "What about Thursday?"

Me: "For my plumbing appointment."

PA: "Oh right. You know, people share too much information on the internet anyway, don't you think?"

Me: "Sometimes they share too much information on the phone too."

PA: "I know, right? Haha. Like, I have this friend who got filler in her lips and showed the pictures all over Instagram. It was kinda gross. Who wants to see pictures of someone's big ol' fish lips?"

Me: "Or hear about it on the phone ..."

PA: "But I mean, I've posted some gross pictures of plumbing emergencies we've had, so what's worse, right?"

Me: "Maybe talking about it?"

PA: "Do you know what happens when your kid tries to flush a Barbie head down the toilet? It's not pretty. Not to mention how Barbie looks when you fish her out."

Me: "Probably a lot like me right now."

PA: "Bad enough Barbie was decapitated, then she got flushed. What a way to go, LOL."

Me: "I know the feeling."

PA: "Poor Barbie. LOL!"

Me: "May she rest in peace. So, back to my appointment ..."

PA: "Oh yeah. When did you say?"

Me: "Thursday."

PA: "Sorry, after tomorrow we don't have anything for two weeks. But we might have a last-minute cancellation. Can you call back in a few days?"

Me: "Not on your life."