Good Fences, Better Boundaries

Annie Lane
Tue, 07 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: I have a neighbor whom I used to enjoy very much. We would chat at the mailbox, exchange holiday cookies and occasionally sit on each other's porch for a friendly visit. She was the kind of neighbor everyone hopes to have close by.

Lately, though, things have changed. She now drops by without calling, often at the worst possible times. More than once, I have opened the door in my exercise clothes, with dinner half-cooked and papers spread all over the kitchen table, only to find her smiling and ready to settle in for a long visit. If I say I am busy, she laughs it off and says, "Oh, I won't stay long," which somehow always turns into 45 minutes.

I do not want to hurt her feelings or create awkwardness next door, especially since we live so close and see each other often. But I am beginning to feel as though my home is no longer fully my own.
Updated: Wed Apr 08, 2026

Dear Annie: I have a neighbor whom I used to enjoy very much. We would chat at the mailbox, exchange holiday cookies and occasionally sit on each other's porch for a friendly visit. She was the kind of neighbor everyone hopes to have close by.

Lately, though, things have changed. She now drops by without calling, often at the worst possible times. More than once, I have opened the door in my exercise clothes, with dinner half-cooked and papers spread all over the kitchen table, only to find her smiling and ready to settle in for a long visit. If I say I am busy, she laughs it off and says, "Oh, I won't stay long," which somehow always turns into 45 minutes.

I do not want to hurt her feelings or create awkwardness next door, especially since we live so close and see each other often. But I am beginning to feel as though my home is no longer fully my own.

How do I kindly but firmly let a neighbor know that she cannot treat my house like a public waiting room? — Neighborly But Needing Space

Dear Needing Space: Good fences may make good neighbors, but good boundaries make better ones. You do not need to be rude, only clear. The next time she appears, smile and say, "This isn't a good time for a visit, but I hope you have a lovely day."

If she lingers, do not invite her in. A closed door sends a message that a long explanation never will.

Dear Annie: I'm constantly feeling exhausted and overwhelmed trying to balance work, family and personal life. Between long hours at the office, helping my kids with schoolwork, managing household chores and trying to stay connected with friends, it feels like there's never enough time for myself. Even when I try to take a break, I feel guilty for not doing "something productive."

I know I'm not alone — so many people I talk to feel the same — but I don't know how to stop feeling stretched so thin. How can I manage my responsibilities without burning out or feeling guilty for taking time for myself? — Running on Empty

Dear Running on Empty: You're right that many people feel the same as you. Set clear boundaries, prioritize what truly matters, and schedule small breaks just for yourself without guilt. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself helps you manage everything else better. Give yourself credit for the important role you play in keeping your family afloat and being there for your friends. You deserve to also have the time to take care of yourself.