Biting My Tongue Over Husband's Bad Habit

Annie Lane
Wed, 01 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My otherwise extremely well-mannered husband, "Ted," has developed an unspeakably disgusting habit, and I need help addressing it.

The backstory: About a year ago, there was an accident involving Ted, his brother and a couple of our nephews, which resulted in Ted losing five visible teeth. Our dentist removed the broken teeth and installed partial dentures.

Ted has a very low pain tolerance and has had a difficult time adjusting to them. As a longtime denture wearer, I've told him that it takes time and that he needs to ask the dentist to adjust the partials if the discomfort is intolerable. We've looked at dental implants, but they're very expensive, and we are retired and on a fixed income.
Updated: Thu Apr 02, 2026

Dear Annie: My otherwise extremely well-mannered husband, "Ted," has developed an unspeakably disgusting habit, and I need help addressing it.

The backstory: About a year ago, there was an accident involving Ted, his brother and a couple of our nephews, which resulted in Ted losing five visible teeth. Our dentist removed the broken teeth and installed partial dentures.

Ted has a very low pain tolerance and has had a difficult time adjusting to them. As a longtime denture wearer, I've told him that it takes time and that he needs to ask the dentist to adjust the partials if the discomfort is intolerable. We've looked at dental implants, but they're very expensive, and we are retired and on a fixed income.

Now to the problem: Ted wears his partial dentures every time we go out, but the moment they become uncomfortable, he takes them out, with no regard for his surroundings. He's removed his teeth at concerts, movies, church, ball games, restaurants, friends' homes and family gatherings. He doesn't leave the room; he just removes them in front of anyone and everyone. I'm so mortified by this that I'm starting to be reluctant to appear in public with him. The last couple of times he's suggested going out for lunch or dinner, I've made excuses.

I'm stumped on how to approach this. If I mention it casually, our history suggests that he'll make an effort, but it will be short-lived. If I make a big deal about it (which it is, to me), he's liable to get very upset and defensive. Please help me find a workable approach. — Grossed-Out Spouse

Dear Grossed-Out Spouse: Ted's discomfort is real, but it still doesn't justify removing his teeth in the middle of a restaurant.

Don't hint. Tell him kindly but plainly that it embarrasses you and affects your willingness to go out together. Suggest a simple rule that takes his comfort into account: If he needs a break from the dentures, he steps into the restroom or outside.

If you say it clearly, odds are you'll only have to say it once.

Dear Annie: I'm retiring this spring after 32 years as a medical receptionist. For most of my adult life, my world has revolved around my husband and raising our three children. I've never had time for anything else.

Now my kids are scattered — one in Phoenix, one in Chicago and the youngest in graduate school — and my husband still works full time. Last week, I realized that aside from two former co-workers, I don't really have friends of my own.

Now, at 65, I'm not sure how I'm going to fill my days. Where does someone even begin? — Newly Retired and Unsure

Dear Newly Retired and Unsure: After decades of caring for others, you finally have permission to be a little bit selfish. Now's the time to do all those things you told yourself you'd get to "one day."

Do you have an artistic side? Start painting. Always wanted to sing? Sign up for vocal lessons. You could even plan a solo trip.

Start expanding your social circle by joining a volunteer group, an exercise class or a book club — and go consistently. Don't expect instant closeness. Think of it as planting seeds: Some will grow, and some won't.

You may discover the next chapter is the most interesting one yet.