How To Temper Young Love Without Breaking It

Annie Lane
Sat, 11 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My husband and I are the parents of an 18-year-old son who is a kind, thoughtful and deeply romantic young man. He has been dating the same girl since junior year of high school, and like many first loves, theirs feels very big, very serious and, to them, very certain.

The problem is this: We recently discovered that our son is planning to propose to his girlfriend this summer, just before they both leave for college. Yes, propose. He has apparently been saving money for a ring, talking to a few close friends about how he wants to do it and imagining some grand declaration of forever before either of them has even stepped foot on a college campus.

His girlfriend is a lovely girl, and we care for her very much. This is not about disliking her. It is about feeling that 18 is simply too young to make such a life-altering promise. Neither of them has lived independently, managed adult responsibilities or had the chance to grow into who they will become. We worry that what feels romantic now may become a burden later.
Updated: Sun Apr 12, 2026

Dear Annie: My husband and I are the parents of an 18-year-old son who is a kind, thoughtful and deeply romantic young man. He has been dating the same girl since junior year of high school, and like many first loves, theirs feels very big, very serious and, to them, very certain.

The problem is this: We recently discovered that our son is planning to propose to his girlfriend this summer, just before they both leave for college. Yes, propose. He has apparently been saving money for a ring, talking to a few close friends about how he wants to do it and imagining some grand declaration of forever before either of them has even stepped foot on a college campus.

His girlfriend is a lovely girl, and we care for her very much. This is not about disliking her. It is about feeling that 18 is simply too young to make such a life-altering promise. Neither of them has lived independently, managed adult responsibilities or had the chance to grow into who they will become. We worry that what feels romantic now may become a burden later.

At the same time, we do not want to mock his feelings or push him away by acting dismissive. Young love may be inexperienced, but it is still real to the people living it.

How do we talk to our son about slowing down without insulting his heart or making him dig in his heels? — Not Ready For Wedding Bells

Dear Not Ready: Your son is in love, not on trial, so start there. Tell him you respect his feelings, but marriage is not a race and love does not expire at the campus gates.

At 18, a promise ring is plenty. An engagement before college is like buying the nursery before the first date. Encourage him to let the relationship grow through real life, distance and time. If it is meant to last, waiting will not hurt it. If waiting does hurt it, that tells him something important.

Dear Annie: I am one of six siblings, and none of us lived closer than four hours from our mother as she grew older. That distance made everything harder. We did our best to keep an eye on her and noticed small changes whenever we visited. Over time, she began limiting how far she would drive, but she was still active, involved at her local senior center and surrounded by a wonderful support system of friends who checked on her and brought her food.

Some of my siblings worried we should insist that she move closer to one of us or into assisted living. But to me, it never seemed fair to pull her away from the community she knew and the independence she valued. She always said she would consider assisted living "when it was necessary," but she also made it clear that she understood the risks of staying in her home and was willing to accept them in order to keep living life on her own terms.

She remained in her home until she passed away at 91 and stayed active until just the last weeks of her life. Looking back, I still wonder whether we did the right thing.

How do adult children know when to step in for an aging parent, and when to respect that parent's wish to keep living independently, even when it comes with real risks? — Trying To Do Right

Dear Trying To Do Right: It sounds like your mother gave herself one of life's greatest gifts: the dignity of living on her own terms. And you gave her the grace to do it.

Safety matters, of course, but so does freedom. Your mother was not abandoned. She was supported, loved and allowed to remain part of the life and community she cherished. That is no small thing.

You did not fail her. You honored her. And for that, your whole family deserves congratulations.