Waiting for a Commitment That May Never Come

Annie Lane
Thu, 26 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My best friend of 22 years recently started dating a man who "doesn't believe in marriage." She's 41, has always wanted children and froze her eggs at 38. He's 45, divorced twice and says labels are "a social construct."

They've been together eight months. She sold her condo and moved into his house — which is solely in his name — and now refers to his teenage sons as "our boys." Last week, she told me she's sure he'll "come around" on having a baby.

I'm skeptical she'll get everything she wants out of this relationship — and the scary thing is that by the time she realizes that, it might be too late for her to have a healthy pregnancy.
Updated: Fri Mar 27, 2026

Dear Annie: My best friend of 22 years recently started dating a man who "doesn't believe in marriage." She's 41, has always wanted children and froze her eggs at 38. He's 45, divorced twice and says labels are "a social construct."

They've been together eight months. She sold her condo and moved into his house — which is solely in his name — and now refers to his teenage sons as "our boys." Last week, she told me she's sure he'll "come around" on having a baby.

I'm skeptical she'll get everything she wants out of this relationship — and the scary thing is that by the time she realizes that, it might be too late for her to have a healthy pregnancy.

Do I keep quiet and hope for the best, or say what I really think? — Watching the Clock

Dear Watching the Clock: If you say nothing and things fall apart, you'll wish you had. If you say too much, she may stop listening altogether.

The middle ground is this: speak once — calmly, lovingly and without accusation. Don't attack him or predict disaster. Just ask her whether this relationship truly aligns with the dreams she has for her life — assuming her boyfriend does not change.

You cannot protect her from disappointment, but you can protect the friendship by being honest.

Dear Annie: I have fallen under the spell of high-end escorts. I wish I could explain it. I sort of stumbled into it because I didn't believe it was real, but the providers are unbelievable. Their care and attention are spectacular. I've never considered myself a sex addict, but I'm pretty sure I'm steering that way now.

I can't believe I'm in this position, and I can't believe such beautiful creatures exist. Everything is civil and consensual, so I don't feel like it is reckless behavior. And I'm having trouble resisting.

Is this something that requires self-discipline to conquer, or is it more common than I realize and there are resources to help? — Helpless in ATL

Dear Helpless: A habit becomes a problem when it begins to control your time, money or emotional life.

Escorts are professionals whose job is to create an experience that feels attentive and intoxicating, which you've clearly felt. That doesn't make the experience any less enjoyable, but it does mean the interaction is built around payment, not a real connection.

If you find yourself unable to resist returning or spending more than you intended, it's time to step back and ask what need this is filling. Self-discipline may help, but many people benefit from speaking with a doctor or therapist who specializes in compulsive behaviors to help work through it.

Pleasure isn't the problem. Losing control is. The goal is to make sure you're still the one in charge.