Bright Light, Sleepless Nights

Annie Lane
Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My neighbor "Rod" installed a motion-activated floodlight that shines directly into our bedroom window every time our dog (or another animal) moves in the yard — which is often. It goes off all night long.

I mentioned it once, and he said, "It's for security," and suggested we "get better curtains." We already have blackout shades, but the light still leaks in around the edges.

I don't want to start a neighborhood feud, but I also haven't slept properly in weeks.
Updated: Fri Apr 10, 2026

Dear Annie: My neighbor "Rod" installed a motion-activated floodlight that shines directly into our bedroom window every time our dog (or another animal) moves in the yard — which is often. It goes off all night long.

I mentioned it once, and he said, "It's for security," and suggested we "get better curtains." We already have blackout shades, but the light still leaks in around the edges.

I don't want to start a neighborhood feud, but I also haven't slept properly in weeks.

How do I get him to listen? — Blinded at Bedtime

Dear Blinded at Bedtime: Ask again and offer a solution: adjusting the angle, lowering the sensitivity or adding a shield. Make it easy for him to say yes.

If he brushes you off again, check your local ordinances on light nuisance, or speak with your homeowners association, if you have one.

You're not starting a feud by asking for reasonable darkness.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our late 70s. We have an adult son who uses drugs. He's been kicked out of many halfway houses, spent a month in drug rehab and gone to jail eight times due to possession and DUIs. He lost his car, his driver's license and several low-paying jobs.

He lived with us off and on but caused many problems: dismantling his bedroom, leaving the refrigerator door open and the stove turned on, leaving messes in the kitchen, staying awake all night and bothering the neighbors. He's been in a psychiatric facility several times but refuses to stay or take any medication for what we believe is a mental illness.

To preserve our safety, we recently told him we love him but he cannot return to live with us. He must find his own way. We know he's now homeless.

Over the past 20 years, we've tried to help him, but in reality, we were enabling him. The angst I feel keeps me from enjoying my life. I have trouble sleeping. My heart stays in my throat, and it feels like a rock is in my stomach. I have trouble choking down food and have lost weight.

I need to figure out how to live my life knowing I cannot help him, but knowing he needs help. I feel certain there are many parents living with this issue. Can you or your readers offer any advice? — Stressed Mom

Dear Stressed Mom: Few burdens are heavier than loving a child lost to addiction. The ache you describe — the sleepless nights, the knot in your stomach — is heartbreak.

You and your husband made a painful but necessary decision to protect your safety. That isn't abandonment. It's a boundary. Addiction and untreated mental illness are battles your son must choose to face himself.

What you can do now is take care of yourselves. Groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon exist for exactly this reason: to remind parents they're not alone and not to blame. Talking with others who understand can ease some of the isolation and guilt you're feeling.

If your son one day chooses recovery, the door to rebuilding a relationship can open then. Until that time, have grace for yourselves and focus on what is within your control.